The writer in me

There's a writer in me.  This I know for sure.  Sometimes I think the writer is right there on the surface, it's who I am; sometimes I think that writer is so deeply buried that I don't know if she'll ever see the light of day.  But of this I'm sure, there IS a writer in me.
I find that writing, as with everything in life is a discipline.  Whether it comes easy to you or its hard for you, it makes no difference. So far, I've waited for the inspiration to hit, and it has hit, but if my livelihood was dependent on those hits, I'd probably be homeless and hungry right now.
So here's what I'm saying: no matter how much talent you have, you've got to cultivate the discipline to practice and improve on your act.
It's the reason why some people will never work at a job that does not pay a fixed salary at the end of the month- because if it was all up to them they would get up some mornings, and some mornings not.  They would show up some days, and some days not.

Talent is a hard taskmaster- it requires you work harder than the next guy who does not have that talent because you know and the people around you know how much more you could accomplish on account of that talent; and everyday you're not exploiting that talent something dies within you, whether you acknowledge it or not.
I'm not necessarily talking here about how much money you can make from exploiting your talent.  I do admit that it would be fantastic to be financially successful at something that comes naturally to you, but excelling at something you're naturally gifted for provides a satisfaction that trascends that.  It gives almost a sense of destiny fulfilled.

The other thing that I know about myself is that I'm a bit of a perfectionist.  I would rather not submit a report than submit one that's imperfect.  However I'm beginning to realise more and more everyday that that report was only imperfect in my own perfectionist eyes!  To most other people it was lacking nothing.
Talented people tend to be the worst self-critics in their area of talent.
I recently heard that 'perfectionism is a form of mediocrity'.  I don't know who the original author of that was, and I spent quite a few days grappling with it.  It irked me to no end, but I think I finally understand what it's saying.  If in trying to get the report to be perfect you end up not submitting the report, what conclusion is the person needing the report to draw?  The most logical one is that you're a charlatan who has no clue, you're lazy, you're inconsistent, you're......  Supposing you had submitted the report it might have played out in two ways: the report might have been perfect just the way it is, which is the more likely option; or it might have needed a bit more work to get it to meet the user's needs- note that this does not necessarily mean that there was anything wrong with the work that was done before.  Either way, you would have received some feedback upon which you can then base the improvements you need to make on your work, rather than relying entirely on your own, dare I say, flawed view.
So here's what I've decided to do- I'm going to dig deep and exhume that writer within me, and I'm going to keep her on the surface by writing as much as I can.  More importantly I'm going to put my stuff out there and grit my teeth while I wait for the critism, which even now the 10% of me that allows for anything short of perfection, realises will probably never come.
So, here I come world...