Confessions of a Soapieholic

So I decided to share my ToastMasters speeches with you.  Here's my favourite one so far, probably because I had so much fun giving it; and so far it was probably the best meld of the speech I wrote, the speech I wanted to give, and the speech I actually gave.  Entertaining?

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

That’s the ‘Serenity Prayer’, and it’s the creed of the Alcoholics/Narcotics/Nymphomaniacs/Shopaholics/Road Ragers Anonymous.  I saw a number of people automatically recite it with me, and it just makes me wonder…..

I have an addiction to soap operas, otherwise known as ‘soapieholism’.   Most nights I start out by having Kaaskook and Hanepoot with Charmaine at Oppiekoffie, then I segue on to Siqalo Court to glean a few nuggets of wisdom from Kaphela, from there I jet out to California to visit the doctors of Oceanside Wellness Clinic, or to Fairview to visit my friends Gabriella and Bree on Wisteria Lane, or to the streets of Miami to solve a murder mystery with Horatio

I love soapies for a number of reasons; one is the abundance of drool-worthy gorgeousness! The hunks have abs that even the gods dream of and walk with just the right amount of swagger, and the babes have toned triceps and glam gams, and the homes and offices are always beautifully decorated. Picture all the doctors of Oceanside Wellness in one of their offices- Usually my brain freezes over, my jaw hangs slack and my ears start ringing from the sensory overload my eyes are getting… Compare that to this real life roomful of people… but then the writers leave them with just enough dysfunction in their lives to keep them out of the realm of angels- Paula is stunning and has boatloads of je ne sais quoi, but she also has a weakness for handsome men so she can’t stay faithful to Altus, Addison is a kick-ass surgeon but she has a mum who’s never once told her she loves her, Cooper is cute and loyal but he’s a recovering porn addict. Still, the mess to beauty ratio is usually significantly higher in real life.

The other thing I love about soapies is that people usually have such great relationships.  I’d like to have one friendship like Meredith and Christina’s- everybody knows they’re going to take each other’s sides no matter what the issue is; I’d like a friend like Queen who’s willing and ready to go on a therapeutic shopping spree with me no matter what time of day or night I call her- she can always take time off work and she never has a hot date that she can’t bear to miss; or I’d like a friend like Ugly Betty to be my conscience and keep me on the straight and narrow all the time. Most relationships in soapies are like armoured tanks- indestructible- they survive anything from sleeping with each other’s exes and family members to sabotaging each other in the board room and at job interviews.  Real humans are considerably less charitable and more fickle than that.

The third thing that I love about soapies is that I get to learn so much random stuff- from the medical fact that certain types of cancer in women cause an overproduction of testosterone which may cause them to be aggressive and even violent, to the meanings of simple legal terms like ‘discovery’ and ‘subpoena’, to the inane fact that it’s impossible to keep your eyes open when you sneeze.

Hi, I am Orange Girl and I am a soapieholic.

God grant me the serenity to accept it when the networks kill off my favourite character, the courage to actually get out and socialise with real people every once in a while, and the wisdom to know when to PVR and go out, and when to excuse myself and stay in.

My Stormy day

Ok.  So here we are again.  Me trying to share my thoughts and opinions with you.  I got locked out of my previous blog- makarenablogs, so I started a new one!  Hopefully I'll be more consistent this time.
Well its a wet day in Lagos.  One of my returnee friends actually referred to what happened this morning as a 'tropical storm' on FB.  It WAS quite blustery, and I even thought I heard hailstones, but I couldn't help laughing out loud at one of the comments she got- someone asking her what she was feeling like decribing Lagos rain as a 'tropical storm', Mungo Park?  Indeed it was a tropical storm, it's just nobody expects a Nigerian living in Nigeria to describe good old rain and hail as a 'tropical storm'.  Well it was certainly stormy enough to send my cable dish out of whack.  I am now waiting for the 'installer' to come and tilt it back into position to receive the satellite signal. 
They say God works in mysterious ways- once again, right on the money, because I probably would not have done this first post on my new blog if my signal was fine.  I'd like to believe I would have had the descipline to follow through, but I'm just not so sure (sigh).
I was at one of the Visa Application Centres this morning to submit an application for a UK visa.  I must say I'm impressed with the speed and efficiency with with the process was dealt with, once we actually got to go into the centre- which happened 30 minutes behind schedule because- you guessed it- the 'Tropical Storm' kept the workers from getting to work on time!  Quite a few of them had to push past us clients on the queue to get into their office!  Interesting that the apllicants somehow still managed to get there (sort of ) on time despite the storm, and the workers didn't.
Pardon me if I'm too quick with my praise.  It may be because I've been living in South Africa for the past six years, and therefore have not applied for a visa in Nigeria for quite a few years now.  My memories are of sliding on your bottom across a dingy bench outside of a visa office until it came time to go in; going into a poorly lit room smelling of stale, unwashed, or spiritually perfumed bodies, and sliding along on your bottom some more until it came time to sit across the glass pane from some poorly paid civil servant on a mission to 'catch' Nigerians trying to sneak into their countries the enjoy the 'good life' while they were sweating here in Lagos.  To be fair, I never had a personal encounter with one of those, but I did witness one or two such encounters.
Of course the experience this morning would not be complete without the story of the guards asking for 'something for the boys' or 'anything for minerals' on my way out, despite the large signs all over the centre advising clients to desist from tipping their staff, but to rather fill an 'appreciation log'. Interesting.  Maybe I should have asked to fill it, just to see what it looks like?  Would I mention the specific staff member I'm so appreciative of?  Would this translate into some benefit for such staff- monetary reward or award, a public mention?  Would the staff find this as gratifying as the would-be 'something for minerals'?